Preventing Dating Violence Begins at Home

As more of the Epstein files become public, the world is being exposed to one of the worst cases of systematized child sex trafficking in modern history. The details are horrifying.

Most parents probably think, “This would never happen to my child.”

But sometimes the severity of situations like this distracts us from a more common — and preventable — reality: adolescent dating violence (ADV).

The truth is most teens know the person who is hurting them. And often, they don’t recognize the behaviour as abuse — or they don’t talk about it with their parents.

 

Let’s clarify something: ADV isn’t just the most extreme examples of violence we can think of. It can also include more hard-to-spot controlling and manipulative behaviors. There are four common types:

• Physical
• Sexual
• Psychological or emotional
• Stalking

 

It can look like the boyfriend who constantly criticizes:
“You look fat in that.”
“I liked it better when you wore your hair down.”
“Why do you dress like that — are you trying to pick up another guy?”

Or the girlfriend who obsessively tracks her ex on Instagram, monitors their location, and sends accusatory texts after a breakup:
“I knew you liked that other person — I saw your posts.”

 

This is more than “teen drama.” It’s relational abuse.

And parents play a very big role in preventing it — through education and open communication. In fact, research consistently shows that supportive, open parent–child communication is one of the strongest protective factors against adolescent dating violence and a key promoter of healthy relationships.

Sadly, research also shows that most parents are not talking about ADV prevention with their children.

 

Community programs exist — but parents don’t attend. Preventive education is hard to prioritize. Yet after a tragic event, families will invest enormous time and resources into counselling and recovery.

 

That’s why I was delighted to learn about a creative solution to bridge this gap: text messaging. Yes — text messaging.

A Canadian project called ConnectED Parents, powered by a research hub called Shift: The Project to End Domestic Violence at the University of Calgary, has developed a texting program that delivers small, manageable, and digestible tips directly to parents. The goal? To remind and help parents engage in meaningful conversations with their teens about healthy relationships and prevent ADV.

Over a span of six months, parents receive about 70 messages — roughly two to three per week. Very doable. The content is interactive and scenario-based, designed to spark reflection and conversation rather than lecture.

It focuses on building healthy relationships — including the one you have with your own teen. Relationships grounded in:

• Open communication
• Mutual decision-making
• Respect
• Trust
• Honesty
• Equality
• A healthy balance between connection and independence

 

The goal is prevention — reducing the likelihood that a teen becomes either a perpetrator or a victim of dating violence behaviour. Preventing dating violence can also reduce the likelihood that a young person experiences domestic violence as an adult.

The texts even provide simple conversation starters like:

• “I heard some of your friends are dating — what does that mean to them?”
• “Remember those two characters in that show we watched? What do you think about their relationship?”

(Everyone seems to be on fire currently about Heated Rivalry — great example of a relationship story worth discussing.)

And here’s something important: you don’t have to wait until your child is a teenager to start.

Concepts like consent, reciprocity, boundaries, and coping with rejection can be discussed — and practiced — with a seven-year-old navigating friendship conflicts with peers, siblings, or cousins.

Of course, the conversation looks different with a 17-year-old who is starting to date. But wouldn’t it be powerful if these themes had already been part of your family dialogue for ten years?

Part of why I’m raising awareness about this is because relationship life for teens today is dramatically different than even a few years ago.

Technology has changed everything.

AI companions, dating apps, social media, gaming communities — all of these are shaping youth relationships. These technologies are embedded in teens’ everyday lives. They can be beneficial — and they can be harmful.

Consider this:

• Most teens use social media daily.
• 75% of teen boys regularly see “digital masculinity” content.
• More than half of teens report regular use of AI companions.
• Many older teens use dating apps, even though they’re intended for adults.

We are raising teens in a culture where meeting often happens online first. Where potential friends and partners are vetted by scanning social media profiles and friend lists. Where interaction, connection, conflict — and abuse — can all happen digitally.

All of this is shaping how teens meet, how they communicate, how they date, and how dating violence can unfold.

 

So, here’s the big takeaway:

Start the conversation. And keep it going.

Many parents laugh at that suggestion, convinced their teens don’t want to talk to them about anything — especially relationships.

But research actually shows the opposite.

Teens are hungry for the warmth, understanding, guidance, and security of their parents. Even when they roll their eyes.

 

If you want more information about what ConnectED Parents is offering, you can follow them on Instagram (@connected_parents_canada). If you’re interested in their texting program, visit their website or on LinkedIn (ConnectED Parents) to learn more.

 

Prevention begins at home.