#AskAlyson: Getting Teens out of bed!
Tags: responsibilities, sleep, teens
Hi Alyson,
Quick question. If my teen is late for school because they sleep in, is it okay for them to take an Uber? I want them to walk. I think that is a good consequence!
Anon
Hello Anon,
It’s hard to get the sleep cycle of our teens back on track. While I have compassion and empathy for their dilemma since Covid messed up everyone’s sleep, they do need to take ownership of adjusting their sleep and wake patterns to accommodate school hours.
That will take some patience on the part of us parents as we watch them struggle and fail in the beginning. But that is nature of learning! Being tired and late in the morning is a real consequence of not getting good sleep. They need to experience that consequence, and likely more than a few times (sorry – I know that kills you!)
If they wake late, and they are fully taking responsibility for themselves, they now have to solve this problem. Their choices led to this problem and they can solve it! Any solution they figure out is valid so long as it doesn’t impact you. They could choose to walk, bike, call a friend with a car and see if they will pick them up – or yes, Uber it.
If they Uber they need to pay for it themselves. Their solution should not impact you, your time or your bank account. Likely they have an Uber app associated with your credit card, kindly be sure they reimburse you in a timely manner. They may pick the Uber option a few times until they realize that Uber is expensive and they would prefer to spend their savings on new ear pods or running shoes. If they are using Uber too regularly, you might want to look at how much you give them for allowance in the first place! As the saying goes “fat dogs don’t hunt”.
It is not advisable to force them to walk. That would be doling out a punishment. You really should not be invested or concerned in how they solve the problem their choices got them into. Trust that they will try a bunch of ideas and eventually they will likely land on: going to bed earlier so I don’t sleep in and miss the bus.
Try to step out from getting in between your teen and life. I promise they will figure life out if you let them have a few goes at it!
Happy Parenting,
Alyson
2 Responses to “#AskAlyson: Getting Teens out of bed!”
Leslie
One challenge I am finding is the lack of consequences for lates in high school. They just show up as a number on a report card. My teen is habitually 5 mins late. “It’s only 5 mins mom!”
Alyson Schafer
I agree with you. The schools need to issue the consequence. In some Adlerian schools, the teacher has the right to not allow kids in after the bell, much like waiting for intermission at the theatre when you arrive after the doors close. The consequence is the teacher being insulted, others being disturbed, and 5 min of missed lecture material. Some kids are okay with that….. And that is between them, their teachers and peers.