The Painful Effects of Praise: Understanding Your Perfectionistic ChildTags: encouragement, perfectionism, praise
There is often confusion around the word praise. Should we praise our children or not? Research shows that praise is demotivating and limits our children. It stimulates a goal of perfectionism that comes at a big cost to our children. Encouragement, on the other hand, spurs our children on, because encouraged children are comfortable making mistakes. They actually enjoy the learning process!
9 Responses to “The Painful Effects of Praise: Understanding Your Perfectionistic Child”
Loved this clip. I have send the link to many mom friends!!! Thank you.
This is exactly what we needed to see right now with regards with our son. Thanks! I will be sharing it with my friends also. Their video ‘Embracing Kid’s Failures’ is very useful also. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6Y5j5sMs8w&feature=related
This is a helpful video.
Regarding terminology, I agree that it would be nice if everyone used the same language. However, in this case I prefer “praise of effort” rather than “encouragement”. I think of praising the child’s character and praising their effort as very close to each other — I really have to think about what I’m about to say when I comment on something my kid has done. It’s a very subtle distinction (for me anyway). Using the two “praise of” labels respects that subtlety while making it easier to understand the distinction. So when I start to say something to my child I can easily think “Am I going to praise her character or praise her effort?” and then correct myself if it’s the former. Whereas “encouragement” it seems like a much more nebulous thing which I don’t really feel like I understand.
Perhaps part of the problem is that “encouragement” is a larger set of behaviours which include praising effort as well as other things? (I’m not sure if that’s true.)
Amy, you make such a good point. I am glad you took the time to post this comment. YES – encouragement is a larger concept. Maybe so large it becomes unruly to explain and could better be broken down eh?
I am not married to any one word / term – but it sure makes it hard to create meaningful dialogue when we don’t have language agreement.
I am just finishing Malcolm Gladwell’s new book “Outliers” and according to one section of argument he makes, having a sense of “entitlement” in children is healthy. When I hear his arguments / description of “entitlement” ( and he also mentions the language confusion) I am totally on board with the benefits of this “mindset” or “quality” but if I were to start blogging: “an attitude of entitlement is good” people would fall off their chairs! 🙂
Thank you for this interesting clip. I work with parents and their children and we are doing a workshop “Not in Praise of Praise” and would love to show this clip. Will it still be available on line on Feb. 4th when I present this challenging subject? Any suggestions on making the subject clearer to understand for parents?
I was wondering if you could give me the link or site where I can find the carol dweck article or study, like in an academic journal?
An impressive share! I have just frwarded this onto a coworker who
has been conducting a little homework on this.
And he actually ordered me lunch ssimply because I found it for him…
lol. So let me reword this…. Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanks for spending some time to discuss
this subject here on your website.
HA! I am glad I got you a free lunch. Happy to happy in anyway – meals included. LOL – Alyson